As we intruded on their lives, even with their permission, we got to know them more and more. And as with those on the outskirts of celebrity -- 21st century reality stars, not quite "one of us", not quite "one of them" -- while they lived publicly, they struggled publicly. All the inner workings of an everyday relationship became public access and the viewing public are given carte blanche to view, analyze and opine over what is just a slightly out of the ordinary home.
With the recent knowledge of their separation and the alleged reasons for it, a mostly adoring public became quite a savage one, picking apart every part of the Gosselin's worlds. Of course it's only natural to believe that if someone is gonna put it out there, they should expect a reaction. Their lives have been, for the most part, an open book. The Gosselins should have expected people to have strong opinions about the things they've done. However, they probably didn't expect their lives to take any of the turns they have and thus, were not prepared for the inevitable reaction.
Which begs the question: Should they have done something differently so as to avoid criticism? It's a Catch 22. If they put on a front for the public, suppressing some of the most natural emotions and instincts, wouldn't people dislike them, believing their lives to be only an act? Having remained true to a certain extent, they still were under fire by the over-zealous and highly opinionated public they invited into their homes because they believed theirs was a story worth sharing.
I'm very aware of the fact that their decision to make their lives so public was at least partially motivated by dollar signs and a more affluent lifestyle. Can we truly blame them? Consider all of us without kids or with just a few. Any extra money we bring in may be used for savings or we can choose to use that money for extravagances, large or small. But the Gosselins couldn't afford that initial luxury anyway, not with the amount of children or the occupations they had. They didn't just have eight kids spaced out throughout the years. That's the cost of taking care of a baby multiplied by eight, all in one shot. This is in addition to how much it costs to make room for that many children. Even if the Gosselins intended to use the promise of money for luxury, how can anyone be so naive or judgmental as to not understand the lure of financial stability not just for their family, now, but for their family as they grow?
Beyond that, the Gosselins were criticized for many other things. The first started with the very conception of both their children and the program. They and others who use fertility treatments when they cannot have children in what is considered the "natural" way, offend many people who believe that their decision goes against nature and/or God. Many people believe that with so many unwanted children in this world, it's selfish to go to such extents to have a biological child when they could have spent that money trying to adopt a child who desperately needs a home. I wonder how such people forget how profound it is to have a child that has genetic connection to his or her parent. I wonder how they can ignore the many couples in this world who want to share their love by creating a human being that is the personification of that couple's love to one another. I wonder why they don't consider the pain of women who have had what they considered their God-given right taken away. Children who are adopted through any means are most often just as much a part of their families as natural children would be. However, expecting any person to gladly give up their right to have their own biological children is ludicrous and unfeeling. The cruel irony of those opposed to fertility treatment is that while they believe such parents are being apathetic about the many children who exist who need good homes, the same opposition is being heartless toward the parents who desperately want biological children of their own, ones they've felt a bond with from conception.
We've also viewed a woman become slightly unhinged at times. Kate got herself a bad reputation as being an over-bearing, obsessive control freak who mistreated her softer-spoken husband and viciously restricted her many children. The woman has eight kids who are all very close in age. We were not watching some seasoned mother raise the tenth child of a long line of offspring that range in ages from adulthood to infancy. Eight small children under one roof with only one set of parents. That is a serious situation that would test the most calm, cool-headed person. Of course she's controlling! She has to be! I lose my mind rather often with just my two. I've resorted to begging. I've kicked toys around the house while others could have sworn they saw my clothes threatening to rip over skin that was expanding and quickly turning green. Let's not even get into my losing my cool when dealing with my husband.
And when their lives started to fall apart, when two people who once loved each other deeply started buckling under the pressure of that many children, that much stress, that much scrutiny and that little privacy, it became even more fodder for those who love nothing more than to ignore their own lives to find fault in everyone else's. As if they were the first couple in the history of the world to find themselves falling out of love with a person who was changing too quickly to keep up with, or to be too consumed with stress to show love and affection, or to concentrate too much on their kids that they lose sight of the person who they made those kids with, or to find themselves moving on and finding solace and comfort in someone who wasn't too busy, selfish or short-sighted to show love, we thought we knew so much more about the Gosselins than they knew about themselves. We knew more about how to make marriages work just as we knew more about how to properly raise that many children.
And then, by far, the worst example of this type of scrutiny are those comments made by the media-mongers, the people who are in the very business that promotes such an open-door policy to the Gosselins' lives. With the recent news of Jon allegedly stealing money from their account, he came out with proof that he was innocent. And as he sat at a table with four of those media-mongers, Bethenny Frankel, another pseudo-celeb who lived her life in the public eye, had the audacity to criticize him for doing so in public. Why no one pointed out that woman's sheer stupidity is beyond me. How she could sit there, invited to give her opinion on what would normally be a private situation, and criticize the person who gave her the opportunity to be there, making money off of someone else's pain, is one of the most obvious examples of what morons people can be. Though, to be fair, it's not like Frankel was ever accused of having a triple digit IQ.
Let's not even get into Nancy Grace and her BS. I don't care what kind of experience she has or where she's gotten the idea that she has a brain worth sharing. Right, viewers gave her that idea. Viewers also made Perez Hilton a celebrity and had Jerry Springer as the reigning king of TV for a while. The woman didn't even know what a bankers box was.
I understand that a big part of the concern is about the kids. They will probably never have normal lives. They clearly won't be living the ideal. But why stop there? Why stop at criticizing Jon and Kate for the lives they've delivered their children as though they are being selfish? What about the many other parents who aren't giving their children ideal lives? Parents who have busy occupations. Parents who have dangerous occupations. Mothers who choose to work instead of stay home with their kids. Aren't they equally selfish? Are soldiers wrong for being parents? Look at famed politicians' children. Should the President be denied the right of being a parent? Should anyone in the public eye be denied?
What will everyone say when those kids grow up to be well-adjusted and happy despite the scrutiny? And there's one thing that people are missing. Those kids have each other. Eight children going through the same thing together, a ready-made support system. That gives me a least a little hope. Though once again, Jon and Kate aren't the only ones potentially hurting those children, are they? If you find it unpalatable for parents to submit their children to such a life, wouldn't it make infinitely more sense to not be a part of that life? Wouldn't it be smarter to not give your own very public opinion? Seems to me that the harsh words of the media stand to hurt those children much more than anything the parents are capable of doing.
Whatever the lives any of the Gosselins live, publicly or privately, they only have to answer to each other, their loved ones and, yeah, the legal team helping each person handle such affairs. None of us will ever truly understand the lives they live. None of us will ever truly understand how they feel. It's the height of ignorance to assume we know more about anything, from their lives before, to the lives they lead now, to the potential of that life in any direction in the future.
Everyone has opinions and we are certainly entitled to our feelings. Apathy is not often considered a preferable trait. Opinions are one thing. Entitlement is another thing, entirely. And one of us are entitled to know better than the Gosselins are. Especially when none of us have ever lived their lives or one even remotely the same.
