stop being stupid

Let's just say I know someone who is affiliated with the delivery of goods purchased from a well known American retailer of home improvement and construction products and services. This American retailer would be only one of two we have on Guam that sells such products and services. It's also the latest one, a home improvement giant in retailing that many locals were looking forward to shopping at when it opened its doors for the first time no too long ago. From all of this information, I'm sure those of you on Guam can deduce which one I'm talking about.

You've probably also been to this store and witnessed firsthand what their idea of customer service is like. I'm sure there are intelligent people who were hired there, who knew what they were doing before having to deal with the BS lack of training. I'm sure there are people in orange vests who do more than just walk around aimlessly with a look of complete confusion. I'm sure there are people there who can answer questions knowledgeably without a dumbshit smile, saying "Uhhh..." and "I'm not...too...sure, but let me check on that for you." or simply say, "I don't know." I'm sure there are people who work there who actually come back to you in a reasonable amount of time with someone who does know what he is doing. I'm sure of it. But I've never seen it. In fact, all I've seen are a bunch of people who seem as though they had to FAIL a test in order to work there.

Add delivery to a system that is just a big specimen of rusted machinery of mismatched cogs and gears that don't quite fit to do what they are supposed to do, and the whole thing threatens to fall apart and hurl into the cosmos, leaving us to wonder what we all got excited about in the first place. Even when those delivery people (who are not employees of that store, by the way) actually know what they're doing.

Without going into the whos, the hows, the wheres and whens and all the whats in between, I'd like to appeal to everyone who reads this to consider a few things and pass the word along.

First, this is Guam. Please remember where you live when requesting for delivery. Many of us, and often those of us with the nicest houses in the most private and scenic locales, have to traverse an unpaved road that is barely wide enough to fit standard sedans, in order to get home. Think, long and hard, about how difficult it is to fit a delivery truck (box truck, flat bed, etc.) on that road. Consider overhang and the lush green foliage that graces our island and makes it so beautiful. Consider what a bitch it is to get past those branches on a rather small dirt road when you are in a very large truck.

And no, dumbass, people don't deliver such goods in a regular pickup truck. What do you expect the delivery men to do? Haul one washing machine to Umatac in a pickup, drive all the way back to Home De...improvement store, pick up another large appliance to deliver to Agat, etc.? Is that how YOU do things? Do you go to a store, buy one case of drinks, go home, go back to the store, buy a sack of rice, go back home, etc.? I didn't think so. So stop asking if they can just deliver it in a pickup.

And while we are talking about that, how about YOU pick up your appliances in a pickup? If it's that simple, take your shit home yourself. If you're going to be a dick about delivery, then don't ask for it!

Next, lets consider the adage, "Don't shoot the messenger." When you request delivery, you're speaking to the first person in a long line of communication. The actual delivery people are the last part of that communication. That first person you speak to, again, may not be very good at his or her job. He probably doesn't care about you or what you are purchasing. He just wants you to get the hell out of the store so he can move on to daydreaming until the clock tells him he can go home for the day. He may make promises he cannot keep because he's not the one who will have to deal with all the other parts of delivery after his job is done. And remember, his job is to smile, tell you whatever the hell you want to hear and wash his hands of all of it. So if he messes up, if he promises same day delivery when he cannot deliver, if he gets your address and name wrong, that's not the delivery person's fault. You see, the only thing the delivery person does is DELIVER. Someone else takes down your info. Someone else process the paperwork. Someone else tells the delivery people what to bring to whom. If something gets messed up, there's a good chance that the first, second, third and so on, person in that chain of communication messed up. So don't take it out on the delivery person.

Now, also remember that it is YOUR responsibility to provide accurate directions. I realize not everyone is like me. When someone asks me for a map, I am very careful about them. My maps are easily understood. I've even had people from various agencies look at my map with amazement. But really, there are certain things that should be expected.

Yes, this is Guam and we don't do streets. We use landmarks. But be REAL! How are people going to understand directions when the landmarks you use are AFTER the turn to your house? Don't tell people it's the second to the last turn. You don't know if it's the second to the last turn until you get to the last turn!!! It's not rocket science. It's common sense. Use it! Don't use "the cement bus stop" if there are fifteen cement bus stops on your street. And mango tree?! How many houses have a mango tree? In other words, don't use a landmark if there are several of them in the same area.

And learn your colors. If you are color blind, go ask someone right now what color your vehicle and house is. Go ahead. Ask. Remember. Jot it down for further use. It makes things rather difficult when you tell someone you have a gray truck and it's actually green.

Now here's something I learned. People who deliver large good are to delivery people as bartenders are to food and beverage service workers. People always remember to leave a few bucks on the table after eating food. And then they don't tip the lady at the bar getting you good and drunk. So if you tip the guy who brings you cold pizza, how about you tip the guy lugging the heavy ass double door fridge into your house? Capiche?

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many people out there who don't know what the hell is going on. So please, people. Pull your head out of your asses and get a fricking clue. And if you're going to be stupid, don't be an ass about it.

And have a pleasant day.