VH-1 has decided to put together a debate regarding the issues that really matter. And I've decided to comment on them because that's just what I do. Why? Because I'm a pop culture junky. But I truly am not that bad. I've never visited Perez Hilton's site and I'm quite certain that I'd lose a pop culture trivia test if pitted against some of the most notorious addicts of our time. But I do pay attention if for no other reason than this is the industry I wanted to be a part of.
Keep in mind that these topics are rarely about what was best. It's mostly about significance.
If you'd rather watch the show yourself without spoilers, stop reading now.
Also, I am watching this in incriments. Meaning even one program takes me more than a single sitting. So I will be updating single posts as I review more duos in a single episode.
The Caliente Hour
Best Teen Soap: 90210 vs The OC
And we're talking about the 90210 that lasted a whole fricking decade. Not this new revamped crap I avoid at all costs.
90210 had more testosterone than The OC did. With only two main male heartthrobs in the under 20 sect, it simply can't compare. Nevermind that neither program had any real testosterone. Neither's resident bad boy was at all threatening. Neither's pretty boy made of apple pie and bicycle spokes were remotely attractive. The only guy from either show that even made it on the heat scale was that guy that beat up Donna. So all we have is numbers and 90210 had them.
But what about the girls? This is fact: Brenda could beat down every single girl on both programs, blindfolded and missing two feet. 90210 wins again. Bring in Valerie, Janet and Gina (look it up) and we're talking about a trifecta of heat that none of the girls in The OC can even touch. Once again, numbers.
And that's all it really is. Numbers: 4 seasons vs. 10. No contest.
My pick: 90210
The winner: 90210
Best Talent Show: Star Search vs American Idol
I'm trying really hard to take my age out of this one. And if there's any proof that my addiction to pop culture is not that severe, it's the fact that I've never seen an episode of American Idol in my life.
My first consideration was simple. One dealt with all kinds of talent. The other, just singing. I think that is enough to put Star Search a step ahead of its opponent. Yes, it needs to be considered that American Idol is this huge phenomenon that has millions and millions of people tuning in and sending in their votes. Star Search didn't have that. But Star Search also didn't have the Internet.
With all of that, ultimately it's once again a numbers thing. American Idol had more numbers.
My pick: American Idol
The winner: American Idol
Primo 80's Teen Queen: Tiffany vs Debbie Gibson
One was the quintessential saccharine infested, pop princess. The other a mall queen who did silly things with her hands. One had a few hits, one of them being a remake. The other was the youngest female pop singer to actually write and produce one of her own hits, the very song I sang a capella for credit in front of my fifth grade classmates (you shut your mouth).
The reality is that Gibson was HUGE. Tiffany, not so much. And again, those silly hand movements. That's not what they meant when they said to use your hands, Tiff.
My pick: Debbie Gibson
The winner: Debbie Gibson
Bigger Attention Whore: Criss Angel vs David Blaine
For a split second once upon a time, Blaine made my top ten. But then I saw him more. And more. And more. Talking very, very slowly in that coma inducing tone. There was no magic. Not much of an illusion. And then he switched gears and just started doing stunts. Huh? I don't want to watch that.
Enter Criss Angel. The name is bad enough. Your name is CHRISTOPHER! Spelling it strangely does not make you interesting. And then the Angel thing? I cannot stand to look at him or listen to him lisp long enough to appreciate whatever it is he does, even if he does stick to the program more often that Blaine does.
But that's the point, yes? They are attention whores who are more annoying than they are interesting. But Criss Angel just pisses me off more. And he's not good looking.
My pick: Criss Angel
The winner: David Blaine
Most Hated Reality Show Villain: Omarosa vs Spencer Pratt
I cannot bring myself to talk about them. I really can't.
All I really can say is that platinum blond eyebrows scare me.
My pick: I refuse to add to their 15 minutes any more. No soup for you! NEXT!
The winner: Omarosa
Best Maple Syrup Mama: Mrs. Butterworth vs Aunt Jemima
I need to preface this with a bold statement that the Canadians are going to lynch me for. I cannot stand the genuine article. I can't imagine what prompted anyone to turn tree sap into foodstuffs. It's disgusting. I only appreciate it for the fact that it had companies scrambling to create a similar product in a more preservable form. And nothing is better than brown high fructose corn syrup and sotolon over pancakes. Unless, of course, it's real coconut syrup on macadamia nut pancakes.
I really have no opinion on either regarding taste. They both do the deed well.
But Mrs. Butterworth came in a much cooler bottle.
My pick: Mrs. Butterworth
The winner: Mrs. Butterworth
Wildest Toy Craze: Cabbage Patch Kids vs Tickle Me Elmo
I've been the owner of both toys. And yes, I was more adult than not when I got my TME for Christmas one year. No, my mom did not have to beat anyone up to get me either.
On one hand, there's my age. Of course I'll appreciate CPK more. I had two of them. Rebecca May had short hair. Jennifer Renee had long hair. My parents didn't think to get me dolls whose hair matched my own and I ended up with two blond "babies". I had smaller toys and some animal thing that was the same size as the babies. Those two dolls also had a picknik basket filled with clothes and accessories, not to mention those birth certificates (I kind of resented having my dolls pre-named as I wouldn't have chosen either Rebecca May or Jennifer Renee). I also thoroughly enjoyed my Cabbage Patch Kids magazines.
On the other hand is the fact that I know I'm not the only adult who owns a TME. I don't know any adults who have a brand new Cabbage Patch Kid. I also don't know boys who had the dolls. Many boys have Elmos. I think that matters.
My pick: Tickle Me Elmo
The winner: Cabbage Patch Kids
Dreamiest Travolta Stud: Danny Zuko vs Tony Manero
God, I hate Grease. Even more, I hate disco. On a smaller level, I'm not a Travolta fan either.
I can't choose either. I lack the part of my brain that finds it possible to find either character dreamy. I lack the part of my brain that uses the word "dreamy".
My pick: Neither
The winner: Danny Zuko
Hotter Russian Tennis Babe: Anna Kournikova vs Maria Sharapova
They are both blond. One looks like she got stuck before puberty and had some implants to convince people she could be a sex pot (and boy did all you pervy men just love that). That same one was only famous for that jail bait aura because, let's face it, she was no tennis player.
But then Sharopova made those commercials with that ugly, little rat-dog.
I can only make a decision based on whose name I've heard more often.
My pick: Anna Kournikova
The winner: Anna Kournikova
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